Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
