I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
