I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
well most of my day revolves around power hour
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
