3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I deserve this hangover.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
