i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
