i will never coherently bang her
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
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Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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