the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
