it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
