wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
