If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
