yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
