I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
