I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
