i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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