Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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