Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
