So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
