Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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