He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
