My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
don't judge my taste in strippers
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
