Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
im about as happy as oj after his trial
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
