I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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