The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
