Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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