I got chris browned last night
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
