I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
When did angry sex become our thing?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
