Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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