i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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