I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
