Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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