Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
