Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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