i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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