I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
