I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
