I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
