Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
