How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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