the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
