I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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