you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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