she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
