Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
