I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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