if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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