i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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