Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
