I showed him my bush... on skype.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
