I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
