I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
