found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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