I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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