just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
