do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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