Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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