I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
