I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
