i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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