I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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