sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
